Caring for a dying relative can be a fulfilling and positive experience for the family when they are actively supporting their loved one before death. Most elderly persons accept death with resignation. They feel they have completed the work that they were put on earth to do. If they are not willing to talk about it, it is usually for fear of upsetting the carer and the family.

The carer must be sensitive to the following needs of the dying person:

• Most terminally ill elderly persons know that they are dying and can be frustrated by their loved ones who keep putting up a front and shelving the real problems.
• The prospect of loss works both ways for the dying person and carer. The dying person is also faced with impending loss of loved ones and is going to the unknown. He may want to heal past hurts, talk about joys and sorrows, and should be allowed to do so. Some may want to talk about their funeral.
• He needs to be reassured over and over again that he is loved and that those closest to him will be there for him when he needs them.
• He needs those close to him to be honest with him. Do not avoid painful topics by telling him not to worry and changing the subject.
• He will still appreciate the daily routine and this should continue. Keep the bedroom cheerful and allow friends and loved ones to visit as often as he wishes to have them. Be mindful of those days when he is tired and needs rest.

In the event of death

It is always useful to be aware of some procedural matters such as:

• Reporting of death.
• Obtaining a death certificate.
• Deciding on the funeral.
• Obtaining the necessary permits if funeral is held at void decks, permit to cremate/ bury, and other important arrangements.

If someone dies at home

How do I know if the person has died? You can do the following simple checks:

• Check the pulse by placing your fingertips in the hollow just above the wrist creases at the base of the thumb.
• Look, listen and feel carefully for any signs of breathing.
• Check the eyes, looking for signs of movement. Recheck these signs after a few minutes.
• Call your family doctor.
  
  

• You may feel isolated, depressed and alone.
• For some, there may be a feeling of relief especially if caring for the elderly was stressful when he was alive. However this can be fraught with guilt.
• You may be tempted to suppress the pain of grief with alcohol or drugs.
• Letting yourself fully experience your grief is the most effective, healthy way to deal with your loss.

• Pay special attention to your need for rest and nourishment while you’re grieving; some people find that some exercises can help relieve the pent-up feelings and stress of grief.
• Put unrelated stressful decisions on hold, at least initially, and don’t force yourself to do things that you feel uncomfortable with.
• Instead set small goals that you can realistically achieve.
• Allow yourself time alone or with others as you need it.
• Telling others how you feel helps you to recognize and accept your loss.
• Others who have weathered grief can reassure you that you’re not alone.
• Choose people you trust or who have supported you in the past as listeners. The best listeners are those who won’t be embarrassed by your strong emotions.
• Accept offers of practical help, such as shopping, cooking, or cleaning, when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Professional help is always available for guidance or reassurance.

• Personal Hygiene & Nutrition
  
• Incontinence
  
• Wound Care
  
• Exercise & Mobility
  
• The Psychosocial Aspect of Caregiving
  
• Medical Care
  
• Safe Use of Medicine
  
• Dying